Review #128: 'The Human Centipede (First Sequence)' (2009)

I can only imagine the pitch. Young, eager director Tom Six walks in, anxious to impress potential producers. "So what's it about?" asks one of the financers. Six looks awkward, shuffling his feet. "Er.. it's about this mad scientist who specialises in Siamese twin separation, who abducts these girls. He kinda has this obsession and dream about stitching people together. He wants to join three people together, connected by their mouth and arsehole, and treat them like a dog." The producers look at each confused, and the one drops a bag on the table full of money. "Here's two million dollars," he says, "go make a fucking movie!"

And yes, that is what the film is about. This is probably the maddest idea I've ever heard, which got me extremely intrigued. That, along with the minor media storm that was caused upon it's UK release, meant it was a film I had to see. Not since the glory days of Grindhouse has such a crazy idea been released to mainstream audiences. Yet for all its 'potential' it falls rather flat on it's face.

First of all, there are things to enjoy about the film. The crazy surgeon at the centre of it all, Dr. Heiter (Dieter Laser), has one of the most unusual faces I've ever seen, and therefore makes a great horror villain. His stoic and Nazi-like behaviour is hilarious, sometimes unnerving, and often very camp. There's definitely a little Udo Kier about him. The surgery scenes, and the inevitable "oh no, I need to shit!" moment are delightfully cringe-inducing, and watching Heiter gaze longingly at a picture of his dead three-dog (work it out) is just plain weird.

Yet at the heart of it all, it's nothing more than a run-of-the-mill horror, with dragged-out set pieces, an overlong stalk-around-the-house scene, and a rather poor climax. The eventual unveiling of his creation is also rather tame, with the key gruesome areas covered up (the fact that I would want to see a mouth stitched to an arsehole worries me). I'd like to say it's a missed opportunity, but I don't if an opportunity was ever there. I mean, how good can a film be where the victims are joined through the gastric system and are forced to shit in each others mouths? Saying all that, I will be watching the sequel.


Directed by: Tom Six
Starring: Dieter Laser, Ashley C. Williams, Ashlynn Yennie
Country: Netherlands

Rating: **

Tom Gillespie