Review #228: 'Transformers: Dark of the Moon' (2011)

Big, loud, with various incomprehensible objects gesticulating in front of the screen; must be a Michael Bay film. The first Transformers (2007) film surprised me. A film based on childhood toys, and their 20 minute narrative adverts, about robots that can change into vehicles and other such objects, should not have worked. And to boot, directed by a well known pyrotechnics obsessive, and general hack of bullshit. But the first film had a certain charm, which was elevated by the Shia LeBeouf performance, which pretty much catapulted him, and encouraged Steven Spielberg (also executive producer of all the films) to take him as a new toy. After the debacle of the second in the series, 2009's Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, the fans and general audience wanted a Tranformers film that was as thrilling, funny, and silly as the first. Well, the idea is quite neat.

Turns out that the 1969 moon landing was not carried out just cause we could. No, it happens that there was something "alien" on the dark side of said moon. So Buzz Aldrin et al had the top secret mission of taking a peek at the craft that crash landed. And that craft was, of course, one that was occupied by some dead Autobots. Back to the present day and Sam Whitwicky (LeBeouf) has been shunned by the government that works with the Decepticons, and has to get a regular job. As Megan Fox was essentially sacked from the franchise for suggesting that Bay was like Hitler, we are led to believe that Sam has got himself a new stunner of a girlfriend (as Sam's mum states in a later scene, he must have a big cock!). So we are introduced to Carley (Rosie Huntington-Whiteley's lips on legs), in a simple, tracking shot that follows her legs and arse: nice! She has a nice body, but her face is dominated by over-sized lips, and is about as charismatic as a transformer that can't transform: i.e. a van.

What transpires is a series of battles, instigated by some objects that have the potential of bringing the robot world through space and time to occupy planet Earth. Humans have been working with the Decepticons for years, which has helped them get information from various companies. When this action begins, the main setting is Chicago. An alien invasion-style visual style takes over, many scenes looking very similar to 2005's War of the Worlds.

The film does have some effective action sequences, but doesn't really deliver anything different that the previous sequel. Basically, it's rubbish. What always amazes me about these kind of films, is that we have developed our English language, that apparently also developed in a civilisation of robots, that existed in parallel in a distant galaxy. Well done Mr Bay, you have released yet another film littered with CGI spunk stains. Plus, the toy company, Hasbro, has a new film to sell their new line of transformers toys!! I have discovered recently that the new toys are not easy to transform, not like the ease of their 80's counterparts.


Directed by: Michael Bay
Starring: Shia LaBeouf, Josh Duhamel, John Turturro, Tyrese Gibson, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, Patrick Dempsey, Frances McDormand, Kevin Dunn, John Malkovich
Country: USA

Rating: **

Marc Ivamy