Review #598: 'Mannequin' (1987)

If I were ever to be truly embarrassed about any of my entries into the Childhood Memories Project, it would be this simply disastrous excuse of a movie. It was shown mid-afternoon in the early days of Channel 5 one day, and my granddad thought to record it for me, along with another bizarre and semi-obscure entry into the 1980's comedy genre, FEDS (1988). I can't remember if I even liked the film, but I remember watching it repeatedly. Maybe I was drawn to the simple-minded and childish comedy, played out over some extremely dodgy 80's electro-pop. Or perhaps it was Kim Cattrall, looking beautiful before she starred as upper-class slut Samantha in Sex in the City (1998-2004), stirring some pre-pubescent feelings inside of me. I like to think the latter is true.

Ancient Egyptian princess Emmy (Cattrall) hides from her mother who wants her to marry against her will. After praying to the Gods for rescue, she in transported through time on a quest for true love. Meanwhile, young mannequin-manufacturer Jonathan Switcher (Andrew McCarthy) is sacked for taking too long on the job, he drifts between jobs while trying to keep his demanding girlfriend Roxie (Carole Davis) happy. One night he spots his greatest mannequin creation - in the image of Emmy - in the window of the failing Prince & Company, ran by Claire Timkin (Estelle Getty) and the slimy Richards (James Spader). After saving Claire from a bizarre accident, he is given a job as a stock boy. One night, Emmy comes to life and enchants Jonathan, inspiring him to create a window display that attracts a large audience.

I don't really know how to write a serious review of Mannequin after just typing that plot synopsis. The bull-shit story and lack of any remote explanation aside, the film is nothing but clichéd, childish humour, and a fairytale romance aimed at mentally numb teenage girls. The truly creepy idea that Jonathan is in love with a plastic mannequin is simply justified by his outlandish co-worker Hollywood (Meshach Taylor) being 'weirder'. He is gay and camp, after all! There is also a gaping plot-hole that begs that question as to why Jonathan doesn't just take the mannequin home with him, therefore ruling out the need to sneak around under the nose of psychopathic security man Felix (G.W. Bailey) and his dog Rambo. It would have also been a reason to avoid 90 minutes (and hours of my childhood!) of sheer drivel.


Directed by: Michael Gottlieb
Starring: Andrew McCarthy, Kim Cattrall, Estelle Getty, James Spader, G.W. Bailey
Country: USA

Rating: *

Tom Gillespie