Review #637: 'Nails' (1992)

In the post-The Wire world we now dwell in, we are forced to look upon the action/cop thrillers of the 1980's and early 1990's with somewhat fresh eyes. We now understand how a city is run, and how bureaucracy and politics can stand in the way of, say, the police force, getting their job done. No longer can a leather-jacketed, cocktail-stick chewing cop-on-the-edge cast aside the need of a search warrant and simply kick the door down. It used to be that as long as he drags out his man either in cuffs or in a body bag, and saves the girl, nobody will care about his disregard for the law, and if they don't, I quote Rambo, "fuck 'em!". But the enlightenment set by The Wire causes something like Nails, a made-for-TV, obscure little title probably forgotten by whoever has actually seen it, to fall from 'terrible' or 'run-of-the-mill', to 'outright laughable' due to it's complete lack of procedural logic and sense.

'Good cop with a bad attitude' Harry 'Nails' Niles (Dennis Hopper) and his partner Jack (Earl Billings) are lured into a trap by some gangsters, leaving Jack dead and Harry mourning. Getting no help from his police department, of which none attend Jack's funeral, Harry decides to use his street know-how to scour the criminal underworld of L.A. in search of vengeance. He discovers a dirty trail full of conspiracy and possible police cover-up that seems to lead all the way up to rich slumlord Noah Owens (Keith David), who is helping fund a Senator's campaign run. Battling alcoholism and a very bad temper, he must also try and win back his estranged ex-wife Mary (Anne Archer) before the gangsters get to her too.

I would probably have never even been aware of this film's existence had it not been for the poster in some cinema magazine or other back in 1992. My brother and I remembered it due to the hilarious title and equally hilarious tagline, so the temptation to actually go ahead and watch this proved too much. It's not quite as bad as I was expecting, given Hopper's energetic, but hardly convincing, performance at least managing to keep me half-interested. Common in early 90's movies, the technical aspects of the film are dreadful, and the action scenes are dull, with a few car chases and machine gun fights scattered throughout. It's so full of plot holes and weird narrative twists (Harry is paying his ex-wife, who is an important member of the Senator's campaign trail, for sex) that is best experienced on full mental shut-down, or else you're in danger of throwing things at the screen. Befitting of its obscurity, and a reminder of how bad the 90's really were.


Directed by: John Flynn
Starring: Dennis Hopper, Anne Archer, Tomas Milian, Keith David
Country: USA

Rating: **

Tom Gillespie