Review #1,182: 'Hellraiser: Revelations' (2011)

There was once, way back, a little horror movie called Hellraiser. From the mind of English writer Clive Barker, the movie took place within a dark world in which the Lament Configuration existed: a puzzle-box fascinating to anyone with an affection for mind games, and irresistible to those looking to push the boundaries of earthly pleasures. It also opened a gateway to Hell, in which a gang of sadistic demons named the Cenobites roamed in search of thrill-seeking fools to prey upon. It is now an established horror classic, and naturally spawned sequels, each declining in quality as the movies were farted out by a Dimension Films keen to keep hold of the rights to a franchise they could someday reboot. A matter of weeks before the rights expired, Dimension, now owned by the Weinstein Company, rushed production on the ninth entry in the series. The result, dubbed Revelations, was such cinematic cancer that Barker took to Twitter page to distance himself from the tripe.

Steven (Nick Eversman) and Nico (Jay Gillespie) are two young horndogs who escape their middle-class family for the seediness of Mexico, where they hope to guzzle tequila, fuck prostitutes, and generally act like annoying arseholes. A year later, the boys haven't been heard from, and their two families gather for dinner and drinks. Steven's mother Sarah (Devon Sorvari), via a private detective, has obtained her son's video camera, which shows Nico opening the Lament Configuration and being approached by Pinhead (Stephan Smith Collins) and his cronies. We flash back and forth in time between Steven being forced to lure victims for his friend in order to regenerate his body and skin, and the family's utter shock at Steven's sudden re-appearance and increasingly bizarre behaviour.

Series regular and all-round horror icon Doug Bradley turned the movie down. Despite having to straight-face his way through Rick Bota's torturous sequels - which were already taking enough of a dump on Barker's mythology - he took one look at the script and walked away. Newcomer Collins already faced an impossible task of filling such iconic shoes, but with little to do other than rattle a few chains and donning some terrible make-up, he comes across like a chubby kid in cosplay making his own movie at home. The acting is unspeakably bad, with Eversman in particular failing to convince as an actual human person. Director Victor Garcia doesn't seem interested in even half-arsing a set-piece, with the majority of time spent with Steven's cardboard parents fretting over their blood-spattered emo child. There was only one thing in mind when this celluloid sneeze was bungled together: money. A vision that was once so fresh and shocking now represents a studio at its greedy worst, disrespecting the artist who created it all and the fans who love him for it.


Directed by: Victor Garcia
Starring: Steven Brand, Nick Eversman, Tracey Fairaway, Jay Gillespie, Stephan Smith Collins
Country: USA

Rating: *

Tom Gillespie