Review #338: 'Masters of the Universe' (1987)

During the 1980's the world of advertising and general marketing took on an all invasive, sinister tone. After the success of the Star Wars toy line from Kenner, the industry began a series of fantasy toy lines that used the 30 minute Saturday morning cartoon as an advertising tool. This led to famous toy's/cartoons such as Tranformers, Thundercats et al (there are way too many to list in this review). I believe the first of these was the He-Man and the Masters of the Universe, which hawked a band of sword-and-sandal-like fantasy characters, in a world called Eternia.

The cartoon and toy line were incredibly successful, and whilst as an adult, my cynical side sees the enormity of this exploitative marketing, as a child I was totally sucked in. With the unbridled achievement of cynical marketing, it was only a matter of time before the Hollywood machine would take the buff character of He-man and immortalise the cunt on screen.

The 1980's also saw an increase of over sized muscle-men on the big screen. This was of course reflective of Reagan's politics of big-is-good etcetera. So with such a low-rent project, the film needed a pretty low-rent, muscular "actor". I'm guessing that even Schwarzenegger and Stallone were too good for this film, as the actor chosen to play the homo-erotic, buff-dunce He-man was Dolph Lundgren, another of the increasingly large action stars of the decade.

The story involves a set of keys that can open a portal to other worlds/dimensions, and He-man's evil foe, Skeletor (Frank Langela) obviously wants the set. During a battle in Snake mountain, the hero's are forced to go through a portal where they find themselves in contemporary America, and take on the help of a native, Julie (Courtney Cox).

This derivative, insipid film is just awful. The action is more than likely placed in a Earth-bound setting for budgetary reasons. And to be fair, even if this was not the case, it would probably be just as shit. I did see this at the cinema at the time, and probably liked it. But seeing this as an adult just makes me realise that there was an abundance of genuinely awful movies in the decade of greed.


Directed by: Gary Goddard
Starring: Dolph Lundgren, Frank Langella, Meg Foster, Billy Barty, Courtney Cox
Country: USA

Rating: *

Marc Ivamy