Review #1,111: 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows' (2016)

The heroes in a half-shell return once again to anger children of the late 80's/early 90's who continue to voice their displeasure as the pop culture icons of their youth are turned into soulless, CGI monstrosities with the sickly, music video aesthetic of producer Michael Bay. This time, it would initially appear that Bay and his cronies have learned from their mistakes by introducing characters from the beloved animated TV series, which at least acknowledges the fans the franchise originally catered to. But this is Michael Bay, who is so satisfied with his own brand of consumerist, money-grubbing blockbusters that he would never do anything as gracious as actually try to make a half-decent movie.

A year after their battle with the evil Shredder (here recast as Brian Tee), the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Leonardo (Pete Ploszek), Raphael (Alan Ritchson), Donatello (Jeremy Howard) and Michelangelo (Noel Fisher), are still living in the sewers, hiding from a public who are unaware of their part in saving the world. Annoying introduced with title cards that label them as 'Raph' and 'Mikey' etc. - which raises the question of just how capable the film-makers believe their target audience are of remembering names with more than two syllables - the turtles are once again indistinguishable from one another apart from the one personality trait that here wholly defines them. They are more central to the plot than last time, but they prove to be as equally off-putting as their human counterparts.

The plot revolves around Shredder escaping from prison and employing genius scientist Baxter Stockman (Tyler Perry) to assist him in opening a portal to another dimension, where the mutant brain Krang (Brad Garrett) is plotting to take over the world. Journalist April O'Neil (Megan Fox, doing little else other than changing from one sexy outfit to the next, sometimes in the same scene) catches wind of the plan and approaches the Turtles for their help. Only former cameraman Vernon Fenwick (Will Arnett, visibly regretting ever agreeing to take the role) has taken all the credit for the Turtles heroics and is living the life of a celebrity, so the pizza-loving foursome must reveal their existence to a horrified public and suspicious police chief Rebecca Vincent (Laura Linney).

Other than a sub-plot involving Leonardo honing his leadership skills, Out of the Shadows spends most of its time explaining its nonsensical plot and pacing towards the inevitable thingamjig-beaming-into-the-sky climax. Despite claiming to be directed by Dave Green, this is pure Bay, and anyone who despises the shallow output of the film-maker once compared to Hitler by Megan Fox will find nothing at all to appreciate here. It's the same pornographic, vacuous vision seen in all of the Transformers movies, featuring the same stock meat-head types Bay was so in love with in the likes of Pain & Gain (2013) and 13 Hours (2016), and peppered with soul-crushing product placement. It wouldn't be so bad if it was even occasionally entertaining in a switch-your-brain-off kind of way, but it isn't, it just made me want to jam an ice-pick into my ear.


Directed by: Dave Green
Starring: Megan Fox, Will Arnett, Pete Ploszek, Alan Ritchson, Jeremy Howard, Noel Fisher, Laura Linney, Stephen Amell, Tyler Perry, Brian Tee
Country: USA/Hong Kong/China/Canada

Rating: *

Tom Gillespie