Review #1,334: 'Ghosts of Mars' (2001)

Over the course of a career spanning over 50 years, writer, director and producer John Carpenter has been responsible for some of the most memorable and iconic horror/thriller movies ever made. The likes of Assault on Precinct 13, Halloween, The Fog, Escape from New York and The Thing have cemented his status as a genre icon, up there with the likes of George A. Romero and Wes Craven as one of America's finest horror visionaries. His legacy cannot be damaged, although it appeared that Carpenter was trying his best to sully his own reputation between 1996 and 2001 with three utter stinkers. First came Escape from L.A. and that surfing scene, and then the underwhelming Vampires, which wasted a perfectly game James Woods in what was an instantly forgettable and generic undead actioner. Then people thought he had lost the plot completely when he produced Ghosts of Mars, one of the worst movies to be released in 2001.

Over a century into the future, Mars is undergoing terraforming, and a matriarchal society of humans have settled on the red planet in the hope of better opportunities. Life is far from peaceful however, and crime is rife in the various remote mining communities. A crew of police officers including Lieutenant Melanie Ballard (Natasha Henstridge) are tasked with transporting notorious prisoner (and the amusingly named) Desolation Williams (Ice Cube) to stand trial for a spate of gruesome murders he is accused of. When they arrive in town, the place is deserted, and it doesn't take long until they stumble on a number of mutilated dead bodies hanging from the ceiling in macabre fashion. Ballard and the rest of the group, which is also made up of rapey Sergeant Jericho (Jason Statham) and token lesbian Braddock (Pam Grier), split up to investigate further and locate Desolation. As they plough on, they learn of an alien force with the ability to possess humans and no love for their planet's new colonisers.

Anyone who was alive and watching movies in the late 1990s will know that Mars is no place to visit unless you wish to be set upon by a gruesome native. Ghosts of Mars is no different, but the film never feels terribly sure of what the threat actually is. Carpenter throws just about everything at the screen: ghosts, zombies, steampunk rovers, blood, guts, and even some train action. It's a muddle of ideas taken from far better films, including some of Carpenter's very own. It's Assault on Precinct 13 meets The Thing, with a sprinkling of The Fog, but without any of their style, thrills or flair. When the characters stop aiming at each other and have a chat, the dialogue is clunky and fuelled by exposition. Henstridge tries her best with a role that could champion equality if the film didn't insist she takes her clothes off, and the usually reliable Ice Cube and Statham fail to squeeze any life of their stock characters, who never rise above foul-mouthed ghetto survivor and smug sleazebag, respectively. It's a horror show from start to finish, but not the kind you would expect from Carpenter. The years haven't been kind either, reducing Ghosts of Mars to SY-FY Channel-level drivel.


Directed by: John Carpenter
Starring: Natasha Henstridge, Ice Cube, Jason Statham, Clea DuVall, Pam Grier, Joanna Cassidy
Country: USA

Rating: *

Tom Gillespie

Review #802: '22 Jump Street' (2014)

"I want you to do exactly what you did last time!" bawls Captain Dickson (Ice Cube). No-one really expected 21 Jump Street (2012), a re-boot of a long-dead TV show, to be a hit. But it was, and a hit spells sequel in Hollywood. And so returning directors Phil Lord and Christopher Miller, fresh off the colossal success of The Lego Movie (2014), use 22 Jump Street as a canvas to riff-on the idea of sequels. Actually, to label it as a canvas is not doing it justice - Lord and Miller, two of the wackiest and most inventive directors of our time, stretch it out, beat it with a hammer, and make a strange yet loveable mess out of it.

Schmidt (Jonah Hill) and Jenko (Channing Tatum) do exactly what their captain says and head to college, going undercover to bust yet another drug ring. The film embraces repetition wholeheartedly, all the with a winning wink to camera, so we have a Vietnamese Jesus (as opposed to Korean), a suspicious teacher, explosive action-movie car chases, homoerotic bonding, an accidental drug intake, and plenty of scantily-clad ladies. It's a formula that has worked once already - the first film was a hoot and Tatum truly excelled - so the director's laugh at their own willingness to bend to demand and their audience's willingness to lap it up, but never in an offensive way. Lord and Miller make sure you're in on the joke.

But simply acknowledging the cliché doesn't necessarily mean that it makes for entirely satisfying viewing. The jokes are clever, yes, but it still means that we have to sit through a very similar film as we did the first. This is where Lord and Miller's energy really becomes important, as the visual pizazz and the sheer momentum of the one-liners and zippy editing prove an easy distraction from what could have ultimately been a one-joke movie. In one inspired scene, Schmidt and Jenko trip on Why-Phy (the new drug), with Schmidt having a bummer and Jenko euphoric. They share a split screen, each in their own weird little world, as Schmidt tries to break the barrier into Jenko's more colourful trip. It's a crazy scene, especially for a widespread release, but delivered with such commitment that it proves a ballsy move.

It's a shame that the action scenes get in the way, offering plenty of gunshots and explosions but never really rise above the kind of thing we've been given before in the old action movies it's lampooning. Other aspects also don't quite work  - Schmidt's relationship with the gorgeous Maya (Amber Stevens) just feels unrealistic, Queen Latifah's appearance as Dickson's wife spawns a few jokes that simply don't work, and the whole thing feels over-long. But when it sticks with it's heroes, the film is consistently laugh-out-loud funny, and Tatum again delivers a performance that will leave many scratching their heads in disbelief at the idea that this is indeed the same person as the pouting, dead-eyed twat from Step Up (2006).


Directed by: Phil Lord, Christopher Miller
Starring: Jonah Hill, Channing Tatum, Ice Cube, Amber Stevens, Jillian Bell
Country: USA

Rating: ***

Tom Gillespie

Review #418: '21 Jump Street' (2012)

Did anyone really want a modern update of 21 Jump Street, a cancelled TV show that ran between 1987 and 1991, a show that is only really remembered for being Johnny Depp's big break? The answer is, tragically, yes, it's the same people that watch tripe such as the recent remakes of Hawaii Five-O and Charlie's Angels, lapping up its generic story lines and unchallenging episodic structure. Thankfully, we're not going to have to watch two failed movie actors accepting a career in television (in the case of Hawaii 5-O), as 21 Jump Street has been given a full-blown movie, and rather than following the same tone and style as its predecessor, Jonah Hill and Michael Bacall have written as an absurd action-comedy, taking a giant gamble and casting heart-throb Channing Tatum, an actor that has looked more comfortable in recent years in action films and romantic comedies.

Schmidt (Hill) and Jenko (Tatum) are two recent police graduates who became best friends in helping each through their own difficulties during the police examinations. In high school, just seven years earlier, Schmidt was a nerd who dressed as Eminem ("not-so-Slim Shady"), and Jenko was the long-haired popular jock. After a failed drug bust, the two are assigned to a recently re-instated program that was cancelled in the 80's (get it?), and are shipped off to 21 Jump Street to play undercover at a local high school that has seen an influx of a new hallucinogenic drug. To their surprise, they find that the politics of high school have changed, and now the nerds rule, and the jocks are the ones that don't fit in (Jenko blames recent TV shows, "fuck you, Glee!"). With Schmidt seeing his new popularity as a way to re-live his high school days the way he would have wanted, his friendship with Jenko suffers, as does their drug operation.

Given the recent comedy disappointments that have starred the likes of Jonah Hill and his posse, I wasn't expecting much more than a few titters from 21 Jump Street. To my surprise, the film is actually hilarious, thanks to a witty, smut-filled script, some fast-paced action scenes, and real chemistry between the two leads. It also plays out like a love-letter to the 1980's, where mismatched-buddy action comedies seemed to be out every other week, and is wise enough to be well aware of this, embracing the cliches of the genre (during a high speed chase, there is a nice running joke about vehicles not exploding as they would usually in movies, and Ice Cube plays the obligatory angry black captain - "I'm black, and occasionally I get angry!").

Hill, love him or hate him (I tend to be in the former category) gives the performance you would expect - nervous, foul-mouthed, and wasting no opportunity to make a clever pop culture reference - and it's interesting how he makes the audience almost despise the nerd when we are so used to them being the sympathetic character. Tatum is the film's trump card, proving a brilliant comedy actor, and does not simply play the straight man to Hill's funny man. Jenko is big, handsome and stupid (in the opening calamitous drug bust he forgets the Miranda rights -"you have the right to... suck my dick, motherfucker!), yet he has a big heart, bonding with some science nerds to both infiltrate a dealer and to learn about science.

The jokes are about as crude and as vulgar as I've heard for a while. There are as many cock jokes than there are sight gags, often blending the two together- a funny scene sees Jenko childishly doing ridiculous sex positions with a toy giraffe on Schmidt as he talks to his potential girlfriend on the phone. But if you can stomach the smut and would find the lead characters tripping their balls off on drugs funny, then there's plenty of fun to be had here, as at its core there is a lot of heart. Fans of the original show are in for a treat too, as there is an inspired revelation at the end, as well as homages and references to the series and the era in general ("I look like Fred Savage in the Wonder Years, only naked!"). A film that proves that taking an old idea and re-doing it can work, as long as your wise enough to make it seem fresh.


Directed by: Phil Lord, Christopher Miller
Starring: Jonah Hill, Channing Tatum, Brie Larson, Dave Franco, Rob Riggle, Ice Cube
Country: USA

Rating: ****

Tom Gillespie