Previously banned in the UK after being placed on the Video Nasty list, Don't Go in the Woods is a standard stalk-and-slash flick set in that well-known terrifying terrain - the woods! Four young campers go looking for a bit of adventure but find themselves being stalked by a mysterious murderer who tries to pick them off one by one. Also in the woods in a collection of your archetypal cripples and bird watcher nerds, who are all ripe for a gruesome death. The four campers soon find themselves lost, even though their tour guide is a kind of crap Bear Grylls. Meanwhile, the local sheriff and his deputy start to investigate the various disappearances.Apparently (according to Wikipedia), Studio Ghibli director Hayao Miyazaki is a big fan of this film. Why the man responsible for great films such as Princess Mononoke (1997) and Ponyo (2008) would think that about such a steaming pile of shit is a mystery. Okay, so I wasn't expecting a masterpiece, but it is so steeped in tedium that it becomes 80 minutes of sheer boredom. Things just don't make sense. For instance, why is a man in a wheelchair on his own in the woods, struggling to wheel himself out? Well, because he's an easy target for the killer, that's why. And the killer himself - a kind of fat caveman wielding a spear - is pathetic. Why a group of young men would be so defenceless against him is a mystery. Just throw a fucking rock at him! Or run away! And just when you think it's all over and they get out of the woods, five minutes later they're running back in. Awful stuff.
Directed by: James Bryan
Starring: Jack McClelland, Mary Gail Artz, Angie Brown
Country: USA
Rating: **
Tom Gillespie
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