Review #1,304: 'The Cloverfield Paradox' (2018)

If by some miracle Julius Onah's The Cloverfield Paradox is remembered in the years to come, it won't be for its qualities as a sci-fi actioner or its position in the intriguing and mysterious Cloverfield franchise, but for its rather ingenious marketing campaign. Audiences were aware of its existence under the name God Particle, but like the previous two entries in J.J. Abrams' monster series, everything about the movie was kept under wraps. Cue the Superbowl, where production studios clamber to show their latest trailers to the largest audience in the U.S., and the film, now under the name of The Cloverfield Paradox was finally unveiled. Much to everybody's surprise, they wouldn't have to wait several months to see it in the cinemas, but it would be available to stream on Netflix straight after the game. Now, you don't even need to leave the house to see the latest blockbuster in all its glory, but could watch it in your pants while intoxicated, with Doritos crumbs dotted down your front.

As I stated earlier, this was an ingenious move, but only on one side of the deal: Abrams and Paramount. Obviously sensing an utter stinker, they managed to flog this tarted-up straight-to-DVD effort to Netflix for more than $50 million. It started strongly, but the viewing figures started to die away as audiences sobered up. Hampered with a horrible, TV-level script, a willingness to steal from far better films, and a central mystery that gets explained to us before the story has even kicked in, The Cloverfield Paradox is barely a movie but a string of cliches played out by an enormously talented cast, which includes the likes of Gugu Mbatha-Raw, David Oyelowo, Daniel Bruhl, Zhang Ziyi, John Ortiz, Aksel Hennie and annoying comic relief Chris O'Dowd, all of whose eyes look oddly glazed over. If I had paid £9 or whatever ridiculous price the cinema is these days, I would be asking for my money back. Luckily I have Netflix, so I get to watch this crap for a small monthly payment. 

Set in 2028, the Earth is experiencing a global energy crisis and the crew aboard the orbiting Cloverfield Space Station are humanity's only hope. They aim to unleash the Shepard particle accelerator, which will generate infinite energy and save our species. Some, however, believe this will open up parallel universes and alternate dimensions, allowing demons and monsters into our world, tearing a hole in reality as we know it. When things start to get freaky, we know precisely what has happened, so are forced to suffer being two steps ahead of the crew for the remainder of the film. Things liven up slightly when a mysterious passenger winds up on board, played by the radiant Elizabeth Debicki, but by this time I was tired of seeing all my predictions come true. The Cloverfield Paradox feels like a forgotten straight-to-DVD relic from the early 2000s, dusted off and re-edited to loosely tie in with Cloverfield franchise. How they convinced Netflix to cough up $50 million is beyond me. Abrams should have done the decent thing and spared us of this nonsense altogether.


Directed by: Julius Onah
Starring: Gugu Mbatha-Raw, David Oyelowo, Daniel Brühl, John Ortiz, Chris O'Dowd, Aksel Hennie, Ziyi Zhang, Elizabeth Debicki
Country: USA

Rating: *

Tom Gillespie

Review #967: 'The Martian' (2015)

The poster for Ridley Scott's 1979 sci-fi masterpiece Alien told us that in space, no-one can hear you scream. 36 years later, and it would seem that no-one can hear you colonising a planet in a desperate effort to stay alive either. Scott's latest, which has recently invited controversy due to its ridiculous Golden Globe victory in the 'Musical or Comedy' category, takes a refreshingly optimistic view of one man's struggle when left stranded on Mars with only his wits and a never-ending list of obstacles to overcome to keep him from losing his sanity. After the let-down of Scott's recent return to the sci-fi genre with Prometheus, The Martian has the director firmly back in form.

In 2035, the crew of the Ares III, commanded by Melissa Lewis (Jessica Chastain), are exploring the surface of Mars when a violent dust storm forces them to flee. Botanist Mark Watney (Matt Damon) is struck by debris and when his space suit reports a breach and no sign of life, the remaining crew reluctantly escape presuming Mark to be dead. When he awakes hours later with an antenna protruding from his stomach and his oxygen levels dangerously low, he makes his way back to the living quarters and quickly sets about calculating how long he can survive on what he has. Discovering he only has about a month left, he "sciences the shit" out of whatever he can salvage and successfully starts growing food.

As ludicrous as The Martian's inclusion in the Musical or Comedy category was, the film is still very funny. In one of many efforts to hold on to his sanity, Mark talks to himself while recording a log of his actions, revealing a laid-back and sardonic sense of humour which seems to come naturally to the actor. With little in the way of explosive set-pieces, The Martian opts to be subtly engaging as opposed to outright exciting. Mark's can-do attitude gives a stubborn optimism to the movie's outlook, and with comments such as "fuck you, Mars" following one particularly hard-earned achievement, it's hard not to cheer him along. 

Also absent are any suggestions of puffy-chested patriotism or evil-doing among the people back on Earth trying to bring Mark home. The only person resembling a 'baddie' who mission director Vincent Karpoor (Chiwetel Ejiofor) clashes heads with is NASA director Teddy Sanders (Jeff Daniels), but even he retains his humanity throughout. If there is a criticism to be had, it's that Mark never feels truly in danger in such an inhospitable landscape. But The Martian takes care to lay out and explain all the science-y stuff going on with clarity and without heavy exposition, and although I wouldn't have a clue if what they were saying was nonsense or mathematically correct, you have to marvel at the detail. A smart and unexpectedly joyous space survival movie, with what is undoubtedly Damon's finest performance to date.

Directed by: Ridley Scott

Starring: Matt Damon, Jessica Chastain, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Kristen Wiig, Jeff Daniels, Sean Bean, Michael Peña, Kate Mara, Sebastian Stan, Aksel Hennie

Country: USA/UK

Rating: ****

Tom Gillespie

Review #712: 'Headhunters' (2011)

Headhunters is one in a long line of recent sophisticated Scandinavian noirs, offering a more thoughtful alternative to some of Hollywood's more mainstream thrillers. Based on the novel Hodejegerne by Jo Nesbo, Headhunters is high on the chase but low on plot, which is sad given the network of corporate sleaze that seems so high on possibilities during the film's opening scenes. It's set-pieces are streaked with wickedness and black comedy, but as they go on and on, and its lead character is dunking himself in human waste to escape an angry dog or surviving a fifty-foot drop off a cliff, it pushes its plausibility to, well, implausible levels.

Aksel Hennie plays Roger Brown, a smug, vertically-challenged corporate headhunter that moonlights as an art thief to fund the lavish lifestyle he believes his supermodel wife (Synnove Macody Lund) wants. He is approached by former military tracker Clas Greve (Games of Thrones' Nikolaj Coster-Waldau), who wants to be chosen by Brown to be the new CEO of Pathfinder, a technologies company. Hennie discovers that Greve has an ultra-rare Rubens painting, and steals it, only to find his wife's mobile phone in Greve's home. After stalling on the job offer, Brown finds himself being hunted by Greve and betrayed by those he believed cared about him.

With his preening demeanour and pale eyes, director Morten Tyldum is asking a lot for the audience to be rooting for Roger Brown's survival. Clas Greve is the one-dimensional bad guy - sneering, chiselled, glowing with self-satisfaction - but there were times I found myself cheering him on. Tyldum wisely portrays Brown's suffering with a tongue locked in cheek, and the situation he finds himself in are suitably amusing, even when they are particularly gruesome. But when his redemption finally comes, it's in favour of an extended collection of set-pieces and little resembling plot, glossing over what could have been a smart corporate thriller.


Directed by: Morten Tyldum
Starring: Aksel Hennie, Synnøve Macody Lund, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Eivind Sander
Country: Norway/Germany

Rating: ***

Tom Gillespie