Review #1,267: 'The Dark Tower' (2017)

Adapting a series of beloved novels spanning thousands of pages and countless characters and worlds into a consumable stand-alone movie was never going to be an easy task. Over the years, many names have been attached to developing Stephen King's Dark Tower novels, including the combined efforts of J.J. Abrams and Damon Lindelof during their Lost days, and Ron Howard. When it became apparent that these novels were indeed unfilmable, they understandably bailed, and the film found itself in limbo once again. After 10 years of rewrites and personnel changes, The Dark Tower finally arrives in the hands of Nikolaj Arcel, the director of fantastic Danish period drama A Royal Affair. Reports of heavy re-shoots and a frustrated cast was never a good sign, and while it isn't quite the incoherent, tumour-inducing non-entity of Josh Trank's Fantastic Four, The Dark Tower will leave fans of the novels shaking their heads and newcomers scratching them.

The final result is a stuttering mess of disconnected scenes loosely held together by a baffling plot that seems to throw in every fantasy element except the magical kitchen sink. We have a western without the West, a fantasy without the fantastical, and a familiar 'Chosen One' thread fronted by a forgettable child actor. In part a sequel to King's novels and an origin story of sorts, The Dark Tower doesn't know what it is, and increasingly throughout the film it feels as though the studio just stopped trying in the hope that it would eventually make its money back from book fans and teenagers hungry for some fantasy action. Scenes play out with seemingly no connection to what came before and -although I don't know if I was just imagining it or simply looking for something to distract my attention from the sheer tedium of the plot - actors' lips seemed to have been altered by CGI as the script was re-written after scenes were shot. You may also find yourself jolting awake every 5 minutes at the sound of Idris Elba's magical guns.

Eleven year-old Jake Chambers (Tom Taylor) possesses the 'Shine', a power of shady definition but one which allows him to subconsciously peer into other worlds. In his dreams, he has visions of a giant dark tower, an evil man in dressed in black intent on bringing down the tower, and a mysterious gunslinger. He draws his visions and hangs them on his bedroom wall, so naturally his mother and douchebag stepfather think he's crazy and arranges for him to spend some time away in a psychiatric facility. He runs away to find a building from his dreams (which just happens to be in his home city of New York), and finds a portal which transports him to the apocalyptic wastelands of Mid-World. There, he quickly encounters the gunslinger from his dreams: A man named Roland Deschain (Elba) who is part of an ancient order of knights who carry out justice with guns forged from Excalibur. He is also visited by the man in black, a sorcerer named Walter Padick (Matthew McConaughey) who aims to harness children's screams in order to topple the Dark Tower holding all the worlds together.

When the film isn't trying to explain everybody's backgrounds to the audience through endless exposition, it expects us to simply accept this nonsense. I haven't read King's books, but it carries a reputation as being a complex and detailed piece of work requiring audience investment to drink in its slow-build approach. Arcel's movie opts to cram as much as it can into just 95 minutes, without dedicating anywhere near enough time to properly explain the universe's mythos. For a film so short and convoluted, it's almost impressive how boring it manages to be. Elba, like he does in most franchise-building, big-budget affair, seems to huff his way through the film with his eyes half-closed as though he is waiting for his next 'serious' project. McConaughey at least injects some energy into his poorly-developed bad guy, although he may just be happy he's not making horrible rom-coms anymore. It's scant praise for a movie that feels nothing like a final product, and more like a bunch of outtakes found in a bin and glued together with Pritt Stick by a janitor with a penchant for generic fantasy CGI.


Directed by: Nikolaj Arcel
Starring: Idris Elba, Matthew McConaughey, Tom Taylor, Katheryn Winnick, Jackie Earle Haley
Country: USA

Rating: **

Tom Gillespie

Review #1,195: 'A Royal Affair' (2012)

A Royal Affair opens with a melancholy Princess Caroline Matilda of Great Britain narrating as she pens a letter to her unseen children. Flashing back in time, she is a young and beautiful teenager about to be shipped off to Denmark to marry her cousin, King Christian VII of Denmark, giggling and dreaming about what her new life will be like with a man who sounds like the ideal husband. It would seem that we are in very familiar costume-drama territory, and director Nikolaj Arcel's film makes sure to include all the factors that make the genre so appealing to some: the beautiful young bride; an unknown kingdom; handsome period costumes; a bastard child; and a love affair that is passionate but ultimately doomed. Yet a careful, character-driven approach ensures that A Royal Affair doesn't boil over into overwrought hysterics. What emerges is a tense tale of political intrigue and terrific performances, and a fascinating history lesson to boot.

As the Princess, played by Alicia Vikander, arrives in Denmark, she immediately encounters her husband not as the gallant artist she expected, but as a nervous man-child, giggling to himself while hiding behind a tree. The King (Mikkel Boe Folsgaard) is a puppet on a throne, and quite clearly mentally deranged. He doesn't take much of a liking to his new Queen, and prefers to spend his free time getting drunk in the company of big-breasted prostitutes. Her optimism is quickly turned into bitterness, and is pleased when her husband decides to take a year off his duties to tour Europe. Shortly after his return, German Johann Struensee (Mads Mikkelsen), a skilled yet humble doctor, is recruited as the King's personal physician. He instantly forges a strong bond with the mad King, who is pleased to have a man of stature and intelligence by his side amidst his stern, old-fashioned council. Struensee's influence in court grows, but he finds himself caught up in a dangerous love affair with the Queen that could mean both of their heads should they be discovered.

This being 18th century Denmark, the King is surrounded by a council of religious old men looking to keep the country firmly in the Dark Ages. Struensee is a believer in the Age of Enlightenment, a progressive philosophical movement spearheaded by the likes of Voltaire and Rousseau. The Queen also shares his liberal views, and their love story isn't so much about their own sexual impulses but a driven and united desire to illuminate their country. Realising just how great an influence he is on the King, the doctor quickly sets about abolishing oppressive laws such as capital punishment, the torturing of suspects, and censorship. This immediately puts him at odds with the ruling aristocracy, who view him as a foreigner destroying their fatherland, and they waste no time looking for a way to expel him from court. It's alarming just how familiar it all sounds with the general one-step forward, two-steps back nature of politics. The three leads are all strong, with Mikkelsen in particular convincing as the reserved man of Enlightenment. By avoiding dramatic melodrama, A Royal Affair succeeds as a simmering portrayal of social disintegration and an intimate, intellectual love story.


Directed by: Nikolaj Arcel
Starring: Alicia Vikander, Mads Mikkelsen, Mikkel Boe Følsgaard, Trine Dyrholm, David Dencik
Country: Denmark/Sweden/Czech Republic/Germany

Rating: ****

Tom Gillespie