Review #1,447: 'Cinderella 2000' (1977)

The Golden Age of Porn kicked off in 1969 following the release of Andy Warhol's Blue Movie and spread across the globe from there. Pornography always consisted of a few magazines found under your father's mattress, but Warhol helped usher the form into mainstream cinemas, and soon enough even movie critics were taking them seriously. The likes of The Devil in Miss Jones and Deep Throat were huge hits on modest budgets, and aspiring filmmakers were keen to take advantage once they had a camera and a few willing participants. One of the many tricks employed by these filmmakers to draw in audiences was to adapt a well-known story that required no rights purchase or special permission, and fairytales offered a bottomless barrel of stories to plunder. Al Adamson's Cinderella 2000, which transports the action to a near-future where society is ruled over by a dictator and 'fornication' is outlawed, is one of the most famous examples of these smutty fairytales.

The beautiful young Cindy (Catharine Burgess) lives with her horny stepmother (Renee Harmon) and two stepsisters Bella (Bhurni Cowans) and Stella (Adina Ross). Because sex is strictly prohibited by order of the totalitarian government ruled by 'The Controller' (Erwin Fuller), the women have never had sex, and spend most of their time trying to seduce moutachioed guards or writhing around on the floor. Young stud Tom Prince (Vaughn Armstrong) is one of the few deemed worthy enough by the Controller to make love, but the poor horndog has grown dismayed by the lack of passion shown by his partners. After voicing his concerns, the Controller agrees to hold a grand ball to ease the public's sexual frustrations. With the help of her Fairy Godfather (Jay B. Larson), Cindy is soon suited and booted and ready for the party. Of course, she is the only one to catch Tom's eye, and the couple enjoy a night of steamy passion. But when the clock strikes midnight, Cindy dashes off back home. Desperate to find the woman who reignited the fire within him, Tom sets off on his search, and he is prepared to sleep with every woman in the country if he must.

Cinderella 2000 is a rather bizarre concoction, blending sci-fi, musical, comedy and, of course, erotica, with often psychedelic results. While I'll certainly never see the film again, the sheer weirdness of it all means that I'm not likely to forget it anytime soon. There's a robot who strictly enforces the Controller's rules while singing about his desire to 'plug' himself into the other sexy devices around him. At least that's what I think he was singing about, as his voice is so muffled his dialogue is barely comprehensible. There are also Benny Hill-esque romps under the covers and sets so wobbly even Herchell Gordon Lewis would blush. Of course, it all adds to the charm of these kinds of films, but charm is always better in hindsight. To actually sit through the film - which runs for 100 minutes - is a chore. Cinderella 2000 just about gets away with it thanks to some surprisingly catchy musical numbers, a quirky sense of humour, and a script so completely bonkers that you just have to admire the creativity.


Directed by: Al Adamson
Starring: Catharine Burgess, Jay B. Larson, Vaughn Armstrong, Erwin Fuller, Renee Harmon
Country: USA

Rating: **

Tom Gillespie

Review #504: 'The Naughty Stewardesses' (1975)

"Where do I go from here?" ponders protagonist Debbie (Connie Hoffman) in the final scene of the film, "everywhere or nowhere?" Ironically, this is precisely what The Naughty Stewardesses spends its hefty 107-minute running-time going, everywhere, and more accurately, nowhere. Amongst the thread-bare 'plot', the film shifts gears and genres faster than the film's leading ladies get out of their clothes, going from the familiar small-town-girl-hits-the-big-city story, to soft-core exploitation flick, to relationship drama, to kidnap thriller, and disappointingly, none of these themes work at all.

Debbie arrives in Los Angeles to become a stewardess. She is a wandering soul, we learn this as she explains her situation to a hitch-hiker, and if she doesn't like it, she will simply hit the road again. Her first night in her new stewardess dormitory sees her fellow stewardesses indulge in a bit of man-eating at a house party, as a naked man covered in cream is brought out as the cake. Repulsed, Debbie embarks on a 'journey' on self-discovery, getting close to 70-odd year old Brewster (Robert Livingston), a rich and horny old dog who takes an interest in the beautiful Debbie. She also meets photographer Cal (Richard Smedley), who, after a nice day of photographing Debbie, reveals himself to be the psychopathic, jealous type.

Director Al Adamson, whose back catalogue include titles such as Psycho A Go-Go (1965), Satan's Sadists (1969) and Horror of the Blood Monsters (1970), doesn't do much to dismiss his reputation as one of cinema's most inept, as he brings very little titillation (which is what these type of sexploitation films we're made for) to the proceedings (Adamson was shockingly murdered in 1995). What we do get in a sex scene involving a 70 year old (who Debbie describes as being in his 50's - who is she fucking kidding?), wrinkly man boobs and all. The film isn't actually that awful. It's rather nicely filmed (given it's budget), and the script is far better than it should be, but at 107 minutes, it's a tough watch, and even the out-of-nowhere kidnapping and blackmail sub-plot fails to spice up what is ultimately a boring mess.


Directed by: Al Adamson
Starring: Connie Hoffman, Robert Livingston, Richard Smedley
Country: USA

Rating: **

Tom Gillespie