Review #1,447: 'Cinderella 2000' (1977)

The Golden Age of Porn kicked off in 1969 following the release of Andy Warhol's Blue Movie and spread across the globe from there. Pornography always consisted of a few magazines found under your father's mattress, but Warhol helped usher the form into mainstream cinemas, and soon enough even movie critics were taking them seriously. The likes of The Devil in Miss Jones and Deep Throat were huge hits on modest budgets, and aspiring filmmakers were keen to take advantage once they had a camera and a few willing participants. One of the many tricks employed by these filmmakers to draw in audiences was to adapt a well-known story that required no rights purchase or special permission, and fairytales offered a bottomless barrel of stories to plunder. Al Adamson's Cinderella 2000, which transports the action to a near-future where society is ruled over by a dictator and 'fornication' is outlawed, is one of the most famous examples of these smutty fairytales.

The beautiful young Cindy (Catharine Burgess) lives with her horny stepmother (Renee Harmon) and two stepsisters Bella (Bhurni Cowans) and Stella (Adina Ross). Because sex is strictly prohibited by order of the totalitarian government ruled by 'The Controller' (Erwin Fuller), the women have never had sex, and spend most of their time trying to seduce moutachioed guards or writhing around on the floor. Young stud Tom Prince (Vaughn Armstrong) is one of the few deemed worthy enough by the Controller to make love, but the poor horndog has grown dismayed by the lack of passion shown by his partners. After voicing his concerns, the Controller agrees to hold a grand ball to ease the public's sexual frustrations. With the help of her Fairy Godfather (Jay B. Larson), Cindy is soon suited and booted and ready for the party. Of course, she is the only one to catch Tom's eye, and the couple enjoy a night of steamy passion. But when the clock strikes midnight, Cindy dashes off back home. Desperate to find the woman who reignited the fire within him, Tom sets off on his search, and he is prepared to sleep with every woman in the country if he must.

Cinderella 2000 is a rather bizarre concoction, blending sci-fi, musical, comedy and, of course, erotica, with often psychedelic results. While I'll certainly never see the film again, the sheer weirdness of it all means that I'm not likely to forget it anytime soon. There's a robot who strictly enforces the Controller's rules while singing about his desire to 'plug' himself into the other sexy devices around him. At least that's what I think he was singing about, as his voice is so muffled his dialogue is barely comprehensible. There are also Benny Hill-esque romps under the covers and sets so wobbly even Herchell Gordon Lewis would blush. Of course, it all adds to the charm of these kinds of films, but charm is always better in hindsight. To actually sit through the film - which runs for 100 minutes - is a chore. Cinderella 2000 just about gets away with it thanks to some surprisingly catchy musical numbers, a quirky sense of humour, and a script so completely bonkers that you just have to admire the creativity.


Directed by: Al Adamson
Starring: Catharine Burgess, Jay B. Larson, Vaughn Armstrong, Erwin Fuller, Renee Harmon
Country: USA

Rating: **

Tom Gillespie

Review #386: 'Frozen Scream' (1975)

I was under the impression that the medical toxin Botox was a modern phenomenon in terms of its use on vacuous, rich, stupid peoples faces. However, watching this 1975 movie actually proved me completely wrong. The "actors" in this film seem to use the substance on a meteoric scale, and its as though the late '60's concept of drug sharing is taken to another level, like 'Fraternity of Men', "Don't bogart botox my friend, pass it over to me", seems to be what was happening between scenes. The faces of all involved here barely move. Their expressionless, vapid, and monotone deliveries are almost laughable; they simply have no emotions - even when delivering some (incredibly pedestrian admittedly) dialogue that simply drips from their chins, and is hardly audible.

Well, the film does also kind of have a story. It's about scientists who are experimenting on what appear to be implants that can extend life - becoming the epitome of love and immortality. Basically, they have discovered a way to revive the dead, bringing them life as cold, zombie-like creatures of control (like H. P. Lovecraft, but without any outrageous fun - of even simply fun for that matter). There are some strange figures in black robes who seem to kill those who find out. It's pretty hard to work out what is going on at times, it is a rather convoluted narrative. So it is yet again another pathetic, and preposterous entry into the video nasties list. All I can say here is simply that I curse the stupid choices that the director of public prosecutions made in the early 1980's, and also I want to extend my fist towards the man who's idea it was to review all these fucking films - cheers Tom, you knob.


Directed by: Frank Roach
Starring: Renee Harmon, Lynne Kocol, Wolf Muser
Country: USA

Rating: *

Marc Ivamy