Review #1,358: 'Letter to Brezhnev' (1985)

Written by Frank Clarke and directed by Chris Bernard, both Liverpudlians, Letter to Brezhnev tells its story in Thatcher-era Liverpool, where the only options in this grey city were the dole or dead-end factory jobs. It was a modest hit back in 1985, attracting international interest, but has since been oddly forgotten when compared to other social realist films from Britain around the same time. Those who do remember the film often refer to it as a romantic comedy, and it is of sorts, but Letter to Brezhnev is really more of a romantic drama, with some surprising political undercurrents. It's a very simple premise: two bored, fun-seeking young women hit the town and hook up with two dashing Russian sailors, with one couple falling deeply in love. But this relatable tale struck a chord with its fans, particularly for those who grew up during this particularly bleak time for Britain.

Boisterous blonde Teresa (Margi Clarke) earns her keep at a local factory, where she spends most of the day with her hand up a chicken's backside. She works hard during the day, so at night she seeks alcohol, men, and cheap thrills, including stealing the wallet of a potential partner and legging it. Her best friend Elaine (Alexandra Pigg) however, is looking for love, and feels something special when she catches the eye of handsome sailor Peter (Peter Firth). Peter is a Russian sailor who has docked for the night, and along with his friend Sergei (Alfred Molina), hopes for a taste of the famous Liverpool nightlife. Teresa takes an instant liking to Sergei's hulking physique, while Elaine and Peter form a deeper connection. After a wonderful night, the Russians sail back to the Soviet Union the next day. Elaine cannot get Peter out of her head, and with political tensions between Russia and Britain brewing, she writes a letter to Leonid Brezhnev, pleading for information on her lost love. She receives a plane ticket in return, but her family and the British government won't let her go without a fight.

Letter to Brezhnev was made on an incredibly tight budget, which Bernard often struggles to hide. The direction is flat and the camerawork occasionally amateurish, and the colour of the picture resembles the slightly degraded photographs of myself as a baby from the same year. Yet these restraints also increase the film's appeal as a time capsule, and anybody who enjoys seeing the Britain of the past on film as much as I do, will likely be fascinated. Although Firth and Molina receive top billing, somewhat unfairly, Letter to Brezhnev belong to the leading ladies. Clarke in particular finds multiple layers in what could have been a stock best friend character. She boasts having a "degree in men" and will never turn down a free drink, but there's a subtle sadness to her beaming smile and her acceptance of a life destined for routine. A pre-Prick Up Your Ears Alfred Molina also makes the most of a relatively small role that only requires a few mumbled lines in Russian, and he has the uncanny ability of saying as much with his eyes as he could with words. Funny and touching (and also a secret gay movie), Letter to Brezhnev is a beautiful story of love during times of hardship.


Directed by: Chris Bernard
Starring: Alexandra Pigg, Margi Clarke, Peter Firth, Alfred Molina
Country: UK

Rating: ****

Tom Gillespie

Review #912: 'Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome' (1985)

From the opening shot of wandering nomad and mulleted anti-hero Max Rockantansky (Mel Gibson), travelling along the endless Australian plains in a makeshift vehicle put together from spare auto-parts and whatever junk he came across on the road and pulled along by camels, we know that the world George Miller created back in 1979 has descended even further into apocalyptic turmoil, and we are now even further from civilised society than ever before. Max has his vehicle and supplies stolen by Jebediah the Pilot (Bruce Spence), so he is forced to wander barefoot through the desert until he comes across a community dubbed Bartertown, a place where you can trade anything or anyone.

Like the vehicles in the world of Mad Max, Bartertown is hammered together from spare parts. It is ruled by Aunty Entity (Tina Turner), who is locked in a constant power-struggle with Master Blaster, a grotesque tag-team who overlooks the pits below the town where pigs are farmed and harvested for methane gas. Master is a dwarf played by Angelo Rossitto who rides on the back of Blaster, a giant of a man who wears a huge concealing helmet, and is played by Paul Larsson. Master Blaster may be George Miller's most interesting creation, and as Max inevitably faces Blaster is the arena known as the Thunderdome - where all quarrels are concluded as two men enter but only one leaves - one of the most inventive scraps in cinema history plays out, as they bounce at each other on huge elastic bands and hack at each other with all manners of weapons.

Yet that is only half of the film. Miller resigned himself to just directing the action scenes following the tragic death of his friend and location scout Byron Kennedy, so the rest of the film was put in the hands of George Ogilvie. Narrowly escaping Bartertown with his life, Max discovers the young survivors of a plane crash who has developed their own little tribal society, and it's here that the film goes a bit Peter Pan. Whether this was down to Miller's absence or not - Beyond Thunderdome lacks the edge of its predecessors, occasionally dipping into traditional mainstream fantasy fare and losing focus of its antagonists motivation. Still, the film delivers where expected - the action scenes. Again we get a tanker being chased down by an army of baddies in doomsday vehicle's, and again we are treated to some awe-inspiring stunts that hold up even today. It's the weakest of the original trilogy but hugely entertaining stuff.


Directed by: George Miller, George Ogilvie
Starring: Mel Gibson, Tina Turner, Bruce Spence, Frank Thring
Country: Australia

Rating: ***

Tom Gillespie

Review #842: 'Ran' (1985)

Ten years in the making, Akira Kurosawa's Ran took it's toll on director Akira Kurosawa. Following a highly successful career in the 1950's and 60's, Kurosawa fell out of favour with modern audiences and producers due to his traditional film-making styles and topics. Japan had experienced it's own New Wave, where directors used innovative techniques to look forward, rather than looking back. Eventually backed by Sidney Lumet, Kurosawa developed his labour of love, based on Shakespeare's King Lear, and made Kagemusha (1980) - a 'warm-up' for Ran - while developing the project. He storyboarded every scene with beautiful artwork, ensured that every costume was made by hand, and even built a castle to torch it down for the movie. On top of this, his wife passed away during filming (Kurosawa took only one day off work to mourn), and by the film's completion, Kurosawa was almost completely blind.

Such dedication and rigorous planning doesn't always work out, but Ran is Kurosawa's final masterpiece. The term 'epic' is thrown around far too often these days, but if one film could really be labelled as epic, it is Ran. Epic in scale, length and scope, it's a complex, exciting and bloody movie, capturing the tragedy of Shakespeare's play, and invigorating with it's Machiavellian intrigue. The ageing warlord Hidetora Ichimonji (Tatsuya Nakadai) decides to pass his throne to his eldest son Taro (Akira Terao) so he can spend his remaining years in peace. To his other sons, Jiro (Jinpachi Nezu) and the youngest Saburo (Daisuke Ryu), he leaves two large castles. Saburu objects, calling the decision folly and foreseeing instability, and is banished by his father for his loyalty.

Before Taro's backside has warmed his new throne, his wife Lady Kaede (Mieko Harada) is whispering doubts into his ear. With Hidetora still residing in the castle, Lady Kaede tells Taro that his crown is hollow and his men will never earn his respect until his father is removed. After Hidetora kills one of Jiro's men who was about to kill his fool Kyoami (Funeral Parade of Roses' (1964) Pita), Jiro banishes his father, who then seeks refuge with Jiro. But Jiro has plans of his own, and seeing Taro as a weak leader, pretends to side with Taro in preparation for a future betrayal, and also sends Hidetora packing. With nowhere to turn, the broken and increasingly senile old man wanders to the ruins of a castle he conquered in his warmongering days. But when Saburo hears of his brothers' betrayal and Lady Kaede's scheming, war begins to brew.

Kurosawa's precise planning pays off, as Ran is a gorgeous canvas of colours and scenery, to the extent that any scene could be paused, printed and hung on the wall as a piece of art. The costumes, a sumptuous blend of red's and yellow's, bring the battle scenes to life. Bodies litter the ground, streaming with bright red blood that give the movie a grim and apocalyptic feel, and when juxtaposed with Hidetora's mental decline, makes it feel like the world is literally crumbling around him. The acting is surprisingly subtle and subdued, especially when compared to Kurosawa's earlier works. Nakadai is outstanding as the lost old man, though he is helped by some impressive make-up, but the film belongs to Harada, whose ruthless conniving truly embodies Shakespeare's text. Quite simply one of the finest films ever made.


Directed by: Akira Kurosawa
Starring: Tatsuya Nakadai, Akira Terao, Jinpachi Nezu, Daisuke Ryû, Mieko Harada, Pîtâ
Country: Japan/France

Rating: *****

Tom Gillespie

Review #758: 'Police' (1985)

French director Maurice Pialat mixes his usual approach of dialogue-heavy improvisation and his own slightly twisted sense of 'realism' with the police procedural genre. Anchoring Police is the formidable Gerard Depardieu playing Inspector Mangin, a chunky pitbull of a man who mixes charm, playfulness and violence together as he plays his way through the crime-fighting game with equal amounts of efficiency and carelessness. Pialat's camera, loose and restless, seems fascinated by him, and Depardieu's performance devours the film, overshadowing the director's themes of loneliness and criminality in France.

The first two-thirds of Police are it's best, as Mangin is caught up investigating a bunch of Tunisian drug-dealing criminals, and has his eye caught by the doe-eyed and beautiful Noria (Sophie Marceau), the girlfriend of one of the chief suspects. It's in these early scenes that Mangin is off the leash, slamming suspects heads into tables as a manner of interrogation, and, outside of work, joking with his friend Lambert (Richard Anconina), the criminal lawyer for most of the scumbags that Mangin puts away. Lambert is good at what he does, and most of his clients get off, yet he and Mangin laugh and joke about the system. It's all just a game to Mangin, something for him to do in order to satisfy his many appetites, as the line between the police and criminals is blurred.

Then Police settles down somewhat, as Noria turns from frightened innocent to fully-fledged femme fatale. She gets herself involved in a stolen wad of cash, and suddenly no-one is safe. Mangin is slowly revealed to be a lonely widower, and the film loses it's momentum. The fast dialogue and the murky world of pushers, pimps and prostitutes fades in favour of long takes in empty rooms, and Mangin suddenly isn't as interesting as he was. Sometimes it's better to prolong the mystery, to keep a character's motivations skewed. But Police is still a great ride, featuring one of Depardieu's best ever performances.


Directed by: Maurice Pialat
Starring: Gérard Depardieu, Sophie Marceau, Richard Anconina, Sandrine Bonnaire
Country: France

Rating: ***

Tom Gillespie

Review #752: 'Friday the 13th: A New Beginning' (1985)

For the first time in the seemingly endless Friday the 13th franchise, A New Beginning betrays the promise of the previous instalment of being the 'final chapter', and has a (spoiler!) non-Vorhees imposter donning the mask, doing the deranged one's good work for him. This has led to this, the fifth entry, being donned the black sheep of the series, and isn't too well-remembered by it's hardcore fans. Being only a casual viewer of a series I believe to be, up to this point, the same movie made over and over again, I have no real problem with this. It's the execution that's the problem, and the laziness of director Danny Steinmann in failing to come up with any inventive scenes of butchery, making A New Beginning easily the most forgettable so far.

Tommy Jarvis (John Shepherd, and played by a returning Corey Feldman in one early flashback scene) is tormented by the events of the previous film, and has been released from a mental institution to seek peace of mind at Pinewood Halfway House. It is owned by Dr. Letter (Richard Young), and is home to various troubled and disturbed teens. After the brutal murder of Joey (Dominick Brascia) by Vic (The Return of the Living Dead's Mark Venturini), one of the home's more unstable residents, a series of brutal and unprovoked attacks ignite at the halfway house and the surrounding areas.

Chock to the brim with murders, A New Beginning should be the most easily watchable of the series. But lacking a true artist such as Tom Savini, and employing a hack like Steinmann (who only made 4 features in his entire career, including hard-core porn), the film is repetitive and plain dull. Shepherd, it's lead, lacks charisma, so we are stuck with an annoying kid (Different Strokes' Shavar Ross), who although has the energy to carry the screen-time he has, lacks the likeability of Corey Feldman and his character. The Scooby-Doo-esque mystery should add another element, but by the time the revelation comes, we've forgotten who the hell it is, and after 90 minutes of endless hacking and mutilation, I couldn't have cared less.


Directed by: Danny Steinmann
Starring: Melanie Kinnaman, John Shepherd, Shavar Ross, Richard Young
Country: USA

Rating: **

Tom Gillespie

Review #711: 'Runaway Train' (1985)

The next time I criticise an action movie for being brainless, only to be met by the response of "well, it is an action movie!", I'll refer them to Runaway Train, a breathless, thoroughly exciting action movie that manages to portray two fully three-dimensional characters amidst underlying sociological messages about imprisonment and reform. Developed from an un-filmed Akira Kurosawa script by Djordje Milicevic, Paul Zindel, and former hardened inmate Eddie Bunker, Runaway Train proves that action movies can do a hell of a lot more than blow shit up and offer amusing one-liners.

Notorious convict Manny (Jon Voight) is released from three years in confinement by hateful warden Ranken (John P. Ryan) not just because of media pressure, but in the hope that he will try and escape so Barstow may kill him. After he is attacked and wounded, Manny makes the quick decision to escape his Alaskan confines, and does so with the help of the young and rather dumb Buck (Eric Roberts). They board a train, but unbeknown to them the engineer on board has died from a heart attack and the train is heading at high speed towards various obstacles. Ground-staff are alerted to the situation and quickly set about clearing the tracks, but Ranken has soon joined them with revenge in mind.

Many Hollywood movies offer moments of spectacular visual effects and sound design that should be applauded, but normally these scenes don't tend to generate any excitement in me. Runaway Train offers similar scenes, but there's two key aspects that make the film work so well. The first is emotional investment. As despicable as these characters often are, Manny and Buck are real, helped considerably by the career-best performances of Voight and Roberts. The former, in an empowering speech that may just be the best work he's ever done, informs Buck of the futility of their situation. They may just rule the world if they could hold down a job, but they can't, they're criminals, and cannot escape their societal role.

The appearance of Rebecca De Mornay's character Sara, a young engineer still aboard and who is unable to stop the train, highlights this. Manny and Buck squabble and fight for the first time in front of her, showing that when put into a situation where the laws of society come into play, they reject it and turn into animals. These exchanges occur between some nail-biting scenes, which brings me onto the next aspect that makes the film work so well - real action. There's no wide-shots of gigantic explosions, just two battered men clawing and slipping their way along the snow-drenched train. In one scene, after a daring attempt to jump carriages, Manny's wind and cold-battered face craws towards the camera, ragged bandages hang off his bloodied hand, and his crooked, brown teeth are bared. The camera is so intrusive that you really feel every move he makes, to the point where I felt exhausted.

Though it does occasionally slip in prison movie cliche, this is perhaps one of the most underrated films ever made. It was recognised at the Oscars with nominations for Voight, Roberts and for Best Editing, but it doesn't seem to have left the legacy it certainly deserves. I wouldn't exactly call the film obscure, but your average film-goer probably won't have heard of it, especially when compared to, say, Die Hard (1988). This is riveting stuff, tightly directed by Russian Andrei Konchalovsky (who went on to make the crappy Tango & Cash (1989)), and the film leaves you with a beautiful and slightly eerie final image that could say more than words could have.


Directed by: Andrei Konchalovsky
Starring: Jon Voight, Eric Roberts, Rebecca De Mornay, Kyle T. Heffner, John P. Ryan
Country: USA

Rating: ****

Tom Gillespie

Review #673: 'Lifeforce' (1985)

Of all the crazy films Cannon Films put out there between their emergence in 1967 to their demise in 1993, I doubt any are quite as out-there as Lifeforce, Tobe Hooper's half space-opera, half end-of-the-world thriller. Although it's far from his best film, Hooper clearly had big visions for Lifeforce and, with some confidant support from the film's producers, it looks visually impressive. Starting out as essentially an Alien (1979) rip-off (didn't they all around this era?), the film moves on to vampire movie, action movie, zombie movie and then disaster movie. It's an insane trip, but, if you can forgive its many, many flaws, this is actually a lot of fun.

The crew of space shuttle Churchill locate an alien craft inside the corona of Halley's Comet, and inside they find hundreds of dead alien bodies, as well as three humanoids, suspended and frozen inside glass pods. On their return journey, all contact is lost with mission control. The rescue mission find the entire crew dead from a fire, but the humanoids intact. The aliens are taken back to a research centre in London, watched over by Dr. Fallada (Frank Finlay). While there, the female alien awakens and sucks the 'life force' out of a guard, turning him into a shrivelled zombie. She escapes, and S.A.S. operative Col. Caine (Peter Firth) and Col. Carlsen (Steve Railsback) - whose escape pod from Churchill is found in Texas - start trying to track down the mysterious alien vampire.

If the movie has one trump card, it is in the form of Mathilda May, who plays the female vampire. She is a woman of such staggering beauty that you can understand Carlsen's relentless pursuit of her, and the storyline that she has placed a kind of a love spell on him seems that little bit less ridiculous. Special mention must also go to John Dykstra (winner of the Academy Award for Star Wars (1977)), whose special-effects are still impressive to this day. The problems are that the plot is too convoluted, the acting is awkward, and Tobe Hooper over-reaches himself. It seems like his vision was so big, that he forgot to make it small enough to fit into 116 minutes and make a coherent movie. Still, it's a million times better than most sci-fi B-pictures of its era, and if you let it simply wash over you, Lifeforce is a bonkers hoot.


Directed by: Tobe Hooper
Starring: Steve Railsback, Peter Firth, Frank Finlay, Mathilda May, Patrick Stewart, Michael Gothard
Country: UK/USA

Rating: ***

Tom Gillespie

Review #489: 'The Return of the Living Dead' (1985)

At the Uneeda Medical Supply warehouse, new employee Freddy (Thom Mathews) is shown the ropes by manager Frank (James Karen). In an attempt to impress the brainless but loveable punk, Frank takes him down to the basement where he claims lies the remains of the result of a zombie outbreak, stored by the military, that was the inspiration for the movie Night of the Living Dead (1968). The sealed drums that contain the zombies begin to leak, causing a gas to pour into the warehouse and awakening the dead. Owner Burt (Clu Gulager) arrives in disbelief at the awakened corpse stored in the freezer, and after an unsuccessful attempt at killing it, they take the butchered corpse to the local mortician Ernie (Don Calfa), who incinerates it, causing zombie smoke to leak into the city, and into the nearby cemetery.

After the success of George A. Romero's Night of the Living Dead, co-writer John A. Russo and Romero agreed that Russo would obtain the right to any film with the title ...of the Living Dead in it, while Romero will continue his own zombie series. 18 years later, The Return of the Living Dead was made, a film that embraced Romero's 'rules', yet making certain tweaks to form an original zombie film in its own right. Here, the zombies can run, speak, think, and having a craving for brains. This film is also a comedy, and a very funny one at that, that both pokes fun at the genre and embraces its charm. While Romero's zombies drag their feet and gaze gormlessly in their eternal search for meat, here we have zombie 'characters' such as the Tar Man and the Half-Corpse - the latter of which manages to explain their longing for brains to the horrified Ernie.

Such is the silliness of the film, and it's an aspect that makes this one of the funniest and most effortlessly enjoyable genre films of its type. There isn't the usual bunch of stock stereotypes that make up the gang you wait eagerly to be killed, but a gang of loveable throwaway characters performed by quality actors (especially Gulager, a former star in the 50's and 60's who took full advantage of the low-budget horror boom in the 1980's). It also has the sexiest zombie ever, not that I can think of any others. So if you like your horror with its tongue firmly in its cheek, and chocked full of clever set-pieces and darkly funny humour, as well as enough blood and guts to satisfy the casual gore-hound, then this is probably the best film ever. For most other people, this will be one of the quickest 90 minutes you'll ever experience.


Directed by: Dan O'Bannon
Starring: Clu Gulager, James Karen, Don Calfa, Thom Mathews
Country: USA

Rating: ****

Tom Gillespie

Review #433: 'Clue' (1985)

When movies start turning to board games for inspiration, it's time to start worrying. Although to state that this is now the case is a massive exaggeration, this year saw the release of Battleship, obviously based on the classic 'hit' or 'miss' two-player game. It reminded me of this 1985 oddity, which I had recorded from TV as a child and naturally watched it to death, though I remembered little to nothing about it, other than it starred Tim Curry and Christopher Lloyd. Based on the board game Clue (or Cluedo to us Brits and probably everyone else outside of America), it tells the story of a group of misfits with a lot to hide arriving at a remote mansion, with butler Wadsworth (Curry) playing the host and guide.

The group consists of Mrs. Peacock (Eileen Brennan), Mrs. White (Madeline Kahn), Professor Plum (Lloyd), Mr. Green (Michael McKean), Colonel Mustard (Martin Mull) and Miss Scarlet (Lesley Ann Warren), who after eating dinner are ushered into the rest area to meet their blackmailer, Mr Boddy (Lee Ving). They are each handed one of the trademark weapons (revolver, wrench, rope et al), but when the lights go out, a gunshot rings out and Mr. Boddy (get it now? Har har!) lies apparently dead but with no bullet wound. Soon, the group of dashing about the house as bodies pile up and more questions are raised.

Yes, this is admittedly a slim plot, with very little going on to justify 90 minute running time, but it remains amusing enough throughout to avoid being a total disaster. The climax sees three different endings played out with Wadsworth offering three explanations and offering three different murderers. During its theatrical run, the film offered one of these three different endings depending on which cinema who would unfortunate enough to be in. This is a nice idea, which makes it a slight shame it tanked and failed to earn back its budget. But the cast is surprisingly good for such a forgettable film, with Curry offering plenty of energy, and Madeline Kahn being as brilliant as she always tends to be. Better than it has the right to be, but still offering relatively little in terms of humour and set-pieces.


Directed by: Jonathan Lynn
Starring: Tim Curry, Eileen Brennan, Madeline Kahn, Christopher Lloyd, Michael McKean, Martin Mull, Lesley Ann Warren
Country: USA

Rating: ***

Tom Gillespie

Review #255: 'The Goonies' (1985)

With the takeover of his home by the local country club imminent, Mikey (Sean Astin), a member of the 'goonie' gang who live in the 'goon docks' area of Oregon, plans a last adventure for him and his gang when he uncovers a map in his father's attic that may lead to the treasure of legendary pirate One-Eyed Willie. Joining him is Data (Jonathan Ke Quan), who is handy with gadgets, Mouth (Corey Feldman), who always lets his mouth get the better of him, and Chunk (Jeff Cohen), a bungling chubby kid who is famous for his 'truffle shuffle'. Meeting up with them later is Mikey's older brother Brand (Josh Brolin) and two girls, Andy (Kerri Green) and Stef (Martha Plimpton). The map leads them to a seaside restaurant that appears derelict, but they soon find it occupied by wanted criminals who may just be after the loot themselves.

So here it is. When we started the Childhood Memories Project, The Goonies was always high on the list to watch, and why wouldn't it be? Virtually everyone from my generation and the generations around me who owned a television when they were a kid would have seen this film many times, and, like me, loved it. It seemed to be constantly on one of the channels, and is the type of film that you can watch from any point and instantly become engrossed. It has everything a kids film could need - pirates, lost treasure, adventure, boys comradery, monsters (well, Sloth). And it has a sad element that could upset any child - the threat of moving away to the unknown and leaving those childhood friends forever. These things make the film timeless, and a true childhood classic.

This was the first time I'd watched the film since my youth, and the first thing that struck me was how dark the film is. There's some scary stuff in here (if you're a kid!) - skeletal bodies, a frozen corpse with a bullet hole in his head, a huge deformed monster chained in a dark room, and Martha Plimpton. There's also a lot of swearing. It's not the type of thing you get in modern day kiddy shit. Those films are too busy breaking into song or filling the screen with flashy effects to stop the X-Box and iPhone generation from losing concentration for 10 seconds and checking their fucking Facebook account. The Goonies gives us the real dirt, danger and sense of adventure that came with childhood, where an abandoned railway line would provide a whole day's entertainment (in my case).

I also found it extremely moving. I'm not sure if it was the nostalgic man-child in me that was transported back to a time where getting back home in time for dinner was the extent of my worries, or if it was from the many beers that I had. Either way, by the end I got all soppy. The Goonies is by no means a brilliant film, but the legacy it left behind it and the sheer scale of it's cult, nostalgic fan base is there for a reason - because it's the perfect childhood adventure film. And for that reason, and for the fact that I've never felt two hours fly by so fast, I'm giving the film five stars. This is the film that gave us the truffle shuffle and 'hey you guys!' after all. I just hope younger generations get to see it and are capable of appreciating it after being brought up in a world of Pirates of the Caribbean sequels, Miley Cyrus and Michael fucking Bay. Goonies never say die.


Directed by: Richard Donner
Starring: Sean Astin, Josh Brolin, Jeff Cohen, Corey Feldman, Jonathan Ke Quan, Kerri Green, Martha Plimpton, John Matuszak
Country: USA

Rating: *****

Tom Gillespie

Review #231: 'D.A.R.Y.L.' (1985)

When a car crashes off the edge of a cliff, an elderly couple pick up a smartly-dressed young boy named Daryl (Barret Oliver). When no-one claims him, he is left in the care of cutesy, middle-class suburban couple Joyce (Mary Beth Hurt) and Andy Richardson (Michael McKean), who foster him and look after him as if he were their own. Daryl also befriends the obligatory smart-mouthed ginger kid Turtle (Danny Corkill), who realises just how smart Daryl is. Daryl exceeds in everything, including baseball and video games, much to the confusion of his new family. But when he is claimed by his real 'parents', he is taken back to a research lab where his true identity is revealed.

This was another one of those films that somehow made it onto my video shelf when I was young. I don't recall how it got there or who bought it for me, but it was there, and therefore earns its place in the Childhood Memories Project. It came flooding back to me when I re-watched it. But I also remember that, as a child, I could only make it through the first hour, and that I always got too bored to watch the entire film. Well maybe I was a silly child with the attention span of an ant, but in all honesty, this film is a bit of a bore. And a sickening one at that.

D.A.R.Y.L. is so American and so suburban, I felt like I was being wrapped up in blankets and fed ice-cream until I was vomiting in all directions. Everything is just so idyllic and perfect - the eternal brown autumn leaves, the large multi-bedroomed white houses, the perfect best-friend couple, the father who trained Little League - I couldn't believe it when Steve Martin didn't pop out wearing a checked shirt neatly tucked into his jeans. It looks like a wonderful place to live, but the fact that it doesn't fucking exist just got on my nerves. It's escapist cinema at its most subliminal - American family films do it so matter-of-factly that we just accept it.

Anywho, the film itself isn't actually that bad. American family drama of the 80's seemed very much fascinated with science-fiction elements (a la Flight of the Navigator (1986)). It's actually quite nice to see what is really a children's film put so much emphasis on drama. Maybe it's because I see so much wank vomited up for the young 'uns these days that can't go two minutes without having a CGI spunk stain (to quote Marc) spattered across the screen, or having some vile, X-Factor inspired 'song' blurted out by some mop-haired, talentless twat such as Justin Bieber. I'm getting off the film again, sorry.

It's not as boring as I remember, nor is it all that good. And although it all goes a little Flight of the Navigator at the end, it remains entertaining throughout. It's like a superior TV movie with a slightly better budget than normal. It is sentimental, soppy, and full of middle-class bullshit, but it's also funny, and quite involving.


Directed by: Simon Wincer
Starring: Barret Oliver, Mary Beth Hurt, Michael McKean
Country: UK/USA

Rating: ***

Tom Gillespie

Review #195: 'Restless Natives' (1985)

This is one of those films that I almost blindly rented on video as a naive ten year old cineaste. I knew nothing about it, but remember that the film stayed with me long after viewing it. So much so, that I remembered it as an adult, yet had not seen it since that one rental in 1986. I absolutely adored the film as a youngster, and did not hesitate in telling all of my friends about it. And the chain continued, as I "turned on" my mates to this little Scottish gem of a film. But would the film charm me as it did back then?

The film focuses on Will (Vincent Friell) and Ronnie (Joe Mullaney), friends from Edinburgh who work together in a novelty shop. They both dream of bigger things. They start to hold up tourist buses in the highlands. Whilst they manage to get money from the American tourist, they also act them out in incredibly polite manner. Wearing clown and werewolf masks there highwayman charm filters into the tourism trade in Scotland, as floods of American tourists are flocking to coach trips in the hope of being robbed by these friendly folk heroes. However, one American tourist, Bender (Ned Beatty), who decides it is his duty to solve the crimes to the chagrin of the local police.

This film is absolutely wonderful. The leads are excellent, the script is sharp and funny. It has it all. It shows in some of the actors involved in this little British film. Not only the aforementioned Ned Beatty, but also cameos from Nannette Newman and Mel Smith. The naivety of the leads makes the film so much more charming, as they blunder their way through the newly found (secret) fame, as they gain international interest - including some brilliantly stereotypical Japanese television producers, who follow them round the highland roads filming ever movement. I would absolutely recommend this film to everyone, and their nans! Charming, beautiful and funny.


Directed by: Michael Hoffman
Starring: Vincent Friell, Joe Mullaney, Teri Lally, Ned Beatty
Country: UK

Rating: ***

Marc Ivamy

Review #99: 'Demons' (1985)

In a subway, university student Cheryl (Natasha Hovey) is pursued by a strange looking man wearing metallic clothes and a bizarre mask. Thinking he is going to her hurt her, she flees only for the man to pursue her. He eventually catches up to her, only to give her a leaflet for a local cinema. Relieved, she hooks up with some friends and they go to catch a movie there. At the cinema, another girl scratches her face on an out-of-place looking statue whilst trying to wear the mask that the statue holds. Feeling unwell, the girl goes to the toilet only for the scratch to ooze pus and turn her into a demented demon, thirsty for blood. The other cinema viewers soon find themselves overrun by these strange demons, and must find an exit before they are all killed.

For a horror film with a title as definitive as Demons, and coming from the son of a giallo master and director of comic book masterpiece Danger: Diabolik (1986), I expected much better. It's harder to fuck this up than to get it right. Mario Bava's son Lamberto doesn't seem to have been genetically passed his father's skills (although this is the only film of his I've seen, so perhaps I'm being judgemental), as he fumbles through this film, failing to deliver a decent set-piece or a memorable moment of gore or special effects. In fact I find it hard to find anything remotely memorable about this film. Seriously, with a title like Demons, an 80's synth-horror feel, and the names Bava and Argento (as producer) on the crew list, this is a huge disappointment. And now I have to sit through the sequel!

Directed by: Lamberto Bava

Starring: Urbano Barnerini, Natasha Hovey, Karl Zinny

Country: Italy

Rating: **

Tom Gillespie

Review #85: 'Phenomena' (1985)

Jennifer (Jennifer Connelly), a strange girl with the ability to somehow communicate with insects, is taken to a Swiss boarding school where her strange powers begin to alienate her. When a string of murders take place, she befriends Scottish inspect expert John McGregor (Donald Pleasence) who becomes fascinated with her and begins to use her in his investigations. Jennifer also suffers from sleepwalking, and one night she unwittingly witnesses the brutal murder of her friend. As the murders increase with apparently no leads, Jennifer slowly begins to uncover the strange and complex truth behind them, as she finds it impossible to leave the school.

This is one of horror master Dario Argento's weirdest films. At time it feels like an extended filler episode of The X-Files, as coincidences stack up and supernatural elements dominate with no explanation. The murders take place with typical Argento style and flair, the killer wearing the trademark black gloves. Unfortunately the film lacks the quality of his previous classics, namely Suspiria (1977), Deep Red (1975) and Inferno (1980). The insect idea is an interesting one, but it's seemingly lumped in with the serial killer plotline for no reason and just for the sake of giving the story a direction to go in. However the film went up in my estimations as the climax kicks in, getting more gloriously weird as the minutes roll by, and it has the most fucked-up revelation since Don't Look Now (1973). Don't expect classic Argento, but watch for the ending alone and for an early strong performance by the astonishingly beautiful Jennifer Connelly.

Directed by: Dario Argento

Starring: Jennifer Connelly, Donald Pleasence, Daria Nicolodi

Country: Italy

Rating: ***

Tom Gillespie